Superficial Commitaphone Seeks Guidance

[skippy289]

I'm 38 and have been with the same woman for three years. She is 42, though most people guess her at about 35. Objectively speaking, she's about an 8 (on the classic 10 point scale). Pretty face, pretty good body, though she exercises only very sporadically, and her tight caboose is starting to slip away.

She is putting the pressure on regarding marriage: Either I come up with a ring, or she's gone. I love her, we get along, the sex is great (and has been steady/consistent), she is a good friend/companion. We share similar worldviews and temperaments. Neither of us has ever been married, but I think we would be a good couple in most regards.

So what's the question? What's the problem? The issue is that no matter how much I love her as a person, I'm a superficial bastard. If she's an 8 at 42, there is some piece of my ego/libido that winces with regret and desire every time I see a younger/hotter woman. Now, I realize, that's a slippery slope: there will ALWAYS be someone hotter and younger, no matter how hot/young of a companion I choose. Still, this idea offers only theoretical, not actual relief.

I am pretty good looking, at least an 8 myself. I work out, I run; in good physical shape. I'm a musician and an entrepreneur making six figures. So, am I just a commitaphobe? Am I just immature? Should I shut up and make this woman my wife, or take a pass on marriage, and keep looking, until my ego/libido are satisfied?

I suppose what would make this all much more tolerable would be if she would work out at least as much as I do. Whether she reclaimed her once great figure, I would at least know that she was doing everything she could. I want to tell her this, but I'm struggling with a way of doing so without betraying the full extent of my wandering eye.

[Ace$nyper]

You are wise enough to see that in yourself.

So my question to you is what's wrong with that?

If she meant to you so much you'd want to spend your life with her you'd not have this in your head, yet this sinking feeling is around. That's a flag.

Be honest with her, you don't want a wedding with her, if she goes, she goes. It sounds like a nice thing is faded away, not to fault either party but sometimes a relationship ends on one side. Just how it goes.

If someone is that perfect a fit you wouldn't think I can do better. Summed up.

I'm the same as you, but I've not been able to do 3 years even. lol. Some people are just like this.

It's the people who are like this and settle down who end up unhappy/cheating/abusive etc.

[VikingJew818]

At the end of the day, Marriage only means a piece of paper and some gov't hand outs. it does make psychological differences on a person, but at the end of the day, again, it's really gov't stuff and a ring on your finger. I say go for it, but on the other hand im 15, so wtf.

[Tornadom]

Honestly, you sound like a total douche that is entirly full of yourself. Just my $0.02

[jon_madelia]

Ur right...there are tons of better looking women out there. But are they gonna want anything to do with you? Probably not..

[The Mad Wombat]

The ol' "1 to 10" scale only applies to what you consider to be a ten. I'll be honest with you here, my Wife isn't a size one and not what I would consider "hot" but she is beautiful. She'll never be a stripper but everyone agrees she's just adorable on the cuteness scale (looks-wise). She's also a better, more loving and understanding a Wife than anyone in history can claim! If I were to sit down and design a perfect Wife, she'd exceed my expectations (with the exception of retractable teeth!). I've been in your situation before and if there's any advice I can give it's this... almost every guy I've ever known who got the same ultimatum that you did is no longer with that woman! bear in mind that this may not apply to your situation but it's an observation of mine that is without exception so far.

[Djaric]

Originally Posted by The Mad Wombat

The ol' "1 to 10" scale only applies to what you consider to be a ten. I'll be honest with you here, my Wife isn't a size one and not what I would consider "hot" but she is beautiful. She'll never be a stripper but everyone agrees she's just adorable on the cuteness scale (looks-wise). She's also a better, more loving and understanding a Wife than anyone in history can claim! If I were to sit down and design a perfect Wife, she'd exceed my expectations (with the exception of retractable teeth!). I've been in your situation before and if there's any advice I can give it's this... almost every guy I've ever known who got the same ultimatum that you did is no longer with that woman! bear in mind that this may not apply to your situation but it's an observation of mine that is without exception so far.

Your onto something here with these 'retractable teeth'
But then I'm alsno not allowed near the nursing home anymore.

[jon_madelia]

Originally Posted by Djaric

Your onto something here with these 'retractable teeth'
But then I'm alsno not allowed near the nursing home anymore.

LOL! Sorry to hear that.